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Bigfoot Migration
We decided to test the theories regarding Bigfoot migration. Some Bigfoot researchers state that
Bigfoot is a migrating animal, while others claim Bigfoot stays put in a given area. Which is true?
Looking for the answer to the question, we decided to tag an actual Bigfoot with a GPS chip, and
thus track her movement. You may be surprised to find out that Bigfoot is a man-beast on the move.
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Our journey began with finding a
willing Bigfoot to be our guinea
pig, and to our surprise we had
many volunteers. "Virginia" (left)
was our Bigfoot of choice (for
obvious reasons - look real
closely), and so with micro-chip
implanted, we began by asking
Virginia to go about her business
as usual, not changing a thing in
her monthly routine.
For about a week, we noticed
nothing unordinary from what
one might expect a Bigfoot to do.
We observed Virginia traipsing
through the wilderness, most
likely foraging for berries and the
occasional fruit and nut of the
forest. But soon, the migration
of Virginia would turn interesting.
At this point in the story, I should
probably mention that Bigfoot
researchers generally believe
and agree that Bigfoot must
move about to escape detection,
find food, and mates. Some of
this we found to be quite true.
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Virginia, our female Bigfoot, seemed on the prowl, I mean
she took off out of the wilderness of our undisclosed Pacific
Northwest Forest, and began walking the rural roads that
wind in, around, up and down what some may deem hostile
environment. But to Virginia, this was a Bigfoot escape. We
decided to dispatch a team to covertly follow Virginia by car,
using on-board GPS navigation. After about a day, our
Bigfoot migration team was able to locate and follow her
undetected from a safe distance behind the Woolly Bugger.
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We wondered where our well-endowed, female Bigfoot could be heading. Was she hungry for
food? Was she threatened by local hunters, and thus forced to migrate to a new location? After
about two hours of tracking Virginia, we ended up at a little-known, off-the-map, tavern hidden
away, and apparently well known by local Bigfoot. A lounge? Yes, a lounge, but why?
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Well, Bigfoot are known for voracious appetites, so their diet
has been one of much speculation. What must it take to
sustain such a large beast? Well, it would seem that food is
not the only thing important to a Bigfoot, for we soon found
our lush volunteer ordering Bigfoot ales, and keenly on the
prowl for capable male suitors of the same species.
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Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, for our gal was soon
joined by numerous male Bigfoot bodies at her table. As
we hid in the corner of the Bigfoot lounge, we observed no
less than five intrigued Bigfoot males stumbling over to her
table in order to conquer Virginia's discriminating taste for
beast.
While there observing the Bigfoot version of The Dating
Game, we snapped a picture (below) of a male Bigfoot being
asked to dance by some pathetic local logger. There is
always somebody who will make an arse of themselves.
Unbelievable. Too long in the forest, and away from female
companionship will obviously drive some men to "bigger"
aspirations!
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Well, to put an end to this Bigfoot tale, let's just say that Virginia
found her male counterpart. We believe she selected him
because he actually had big feet. Anyway, Virginia and her new
found Bigfoot boyfriend left the Bigfoot lounge that night together.
Strolling back toward the Northwest wilderness, we learned some
things about our Bigfoot experiment. Number one, a Bigfoot has
needs, too. Not unlike us humans, Bigfoot want to be with others
of their kind, enjoying social situations and occasionally imbibing
some adult Kool-Aids. Ahh, those Bigfoot know how to live!
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All photos used with permission
by our Flickr Bigfoot Migration
Team:
laini_
Toni_V
Stewf
Tyler Howarth
Thomas Hawk
limonada
quaziefoto
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Sadly, many Bigfoot are killed each year crossing roads,
being hit by speeding motorists. At left is one of many Bigfoot
crossing signs that the U.S. Government is erecting in highly
concentrated Bigfoot regions of the country.
We believe we now know why they cross our highways and
bi-ways so haphazardly: specifically male Woolly Buggers
are running a fast track to the local watering hole in pursuit of
female Bigfoot. While in a mating "rut," such beasts will
undoubtedly lose their mind, as so wisely illustrated in this
Bigfoot Crossing sign. We guess they're not thinking with
their head, and thus sometimes become unfortunate victims
of love.
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